Wednesday, March 11, 2009

yes , confused !

today , i feel soooo confused isk isk act from last week idk how to say bout this . oh mybe it's so personal to me . yes ! now i feel sad , angry , bored also wanna to cry . why do i have feel all of the bad feelings ? arggghhhh ! bitchy ;P

hurm when i will be happy like everyone else ? i need to get out from ... ! i dun want to say from "who" . my heart can easily broken if anyone hurt me yes i'm sensitive . i need a bit freedom or taste the world oh please let me do what i want && please shut your mouth also stop membebel about fucking shit story about me to other ppl .

did you jelezing with me ? i know who i am , i know what i do , i scream in my heart for everyday seriously i want to scream as loud but it's so hard i tried but i can't . oh please bitch *opss sorry agak kasar* please understand me , i'm not breaking down now oke ?

yes , i can keep everything secret in my heart but only GOD knows what i feel now . but how long i should be like this ? no one can understand me even my family . but ...


what should i do to be a good person to everyone ?
why i did it idk , i think i felt obligated to and it was expected of me to do
it . ever since i said "I DO" i have hated myself everyday . hmmm

yes , i'm here with my own life

i'm dying also confused



chop ! chop !
i've one story / i was wrote
mybe 3 years ago

read read ;)


she tossed her head back as she bellowed out a laugh like a wild woman . this friend of mine was uninhibited and she meant the world to me . only she kept me feeling alive these days .

"dear , ;) you really need to learn how to let your hair down and to set yourself free " hazel purred as she flipped her long , fiery hair over her shoulder . "look at you! here you are , a free woman at last , yet inside you are still locked up "

hazel was the one friend i had who had been with me from the beginning . she was there when i cried from fear . she held my hand as i waited in the doctor's room to have my broken arm placed in a cast. she fed me and kept my spirits alive during the days when he disappeared and abandoned me with nothing to my name.

she was the only friend who stood by me , no matter what , and without preaching , told me that i did not have to live like i did , that there were other options , and she waited , without judgment , for me to make the decision that was bound to save my own life .

he hated hazel . it was all her fault that our marriage wasn't surviving . he hated the way that she was so independent and alive . it was a threat to all that he was trying to instill in me . how could i be the quiet , simple and obedient wife he desired and beat to create if hazel was there to show me i didn't have to be that way ? she was the only thing i ever defied him over and i think i got the courage for that from her love .

"aah ! shoot hazel," i grinned at her . "give me time, girlie! look at all i have managed to get done this week alone . you want a bloody miracle out of me ?"

"ooh balderdash on the give you time bull crap ! lets see .... what have you done ?" hazel started counting on her finely manicured fingers . ;P

"one, you packed everything you had and walked out the door . hallelujah ! At last !!!!! two, you actually went to the court house and filed paperwork to start divorce proceedings . three, you started counseling .... what makes you think i don't already see a miracle standing in front of me ?"

i looked at her standing there , a woman so vital that it made my heart ache to see her. i never had much in my life to be grateful for but by God , hazel was at the top of my list .

tht all ;)
thanks for the read
really appreciate it
till we meet again
miss you .


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

coffee love

aku mahu *coffee love !
oh siapa bisa buatkan ?
kau ? aku ? dye ? mereka ?

##tup tup tup##

*no answer .
tiada siapa bisa bagi kan
sebuah jawapan yg tepat .

dongeng? fantasi ? khayalan ?
bukan bukan bukan
realiti . ya sungguh !

hati bisa berkata * ya aku bisa lakukan
tapi otak berfikir . gilakah ini semua ?
satu permintaan atau kehendak ?

##senyap senyap##

angan angan
teruskan dalam diam sayang
coffee love sebuah ilusi
yang menikam jiwa .

carikan aku
jawapan yang
tepat !
bisa ?

fullstop oke * ;)

p/s ; oh ya coming soon entry baru akan muncul ramai yg mntk aku buatkan vid lag , now aku sedang berlatih bermain guitar untuk lagu kedua ;P just wait oke ? till meet you again . LALALA

tag tag

tagged by Ieqa

1. List this rules on your blog
2. Share 7 facts about you in your blog
3. Tell 6 unspectacular quirks of your
4. Tag 7 people by leaving their names as well as links to their blog
5. Link the person who tagged you
6. Leave comment for each blogger you have tagged


1. done !

2 . --> love camera && laptop
--> love baskin && robbin also famous amos
--> hate handphone && topup ;P
--> hate reg also isi borang anything
--> miss my old fwens
--> miss my ex boyfwens haha
--> love hate miss my gewmok sumtymes la hate tuh

3. tak tahu malu / gewdix / blabla no idea lol

4. none *mls mls ~

5. Ieqa haha thanks darl .

6. none ;P


tagged by Koko && Daffodils

*uyeaahh bnyk kali dpt tag yg ini , tape buat ajew thanks koko ;)*

1. Copy Badge "2008 Cute's Blogger Award" untuk di letakkan di blog anda .

2. Link atau ceritakan kembali siapa yang memberikan award ini kepada anda ?

koko cokelat
.she's great.
.talkative person.
.so glad to know her.

.she's cool.
.happy person.
.like fwens with her.

3. Setiap blogger hendaklah menyatakan 10 fakta /hobi diri sendiri .

membebel bila bengang
suke kacau orang / ajuk org ckp
jd pendiam bila aneh berlaku
tasuke tgk org gigit kuku
suke shopping baju skunk ne
kuat berangan ;P
suke aktiviti lasak
tasuke dok bandar bosan
kakak yang baek haha sungguh la
sayang pada binatang yg comel ajew lalala

4. Anda perlu memilih 5 penerima award seterusnya dan menyatakan nama mereka di blog anda .

.malas nk tag sesiapa.