Wednesday, March 11, 2009

yes , confused !

today , i feel soooo confused isk isk act from last week idk how to say bout this . oh mybe it's so personal to me . yes ! now i feel sad , angry , bored also wanna to cry . why do i have feel all of the bad feelings ? arggghhhh ! bitchy ;P

hurm when i will be happy like everyone else ? i need to get out from ... ! i dun want to say from "who" . my heart can easily broken if anyone hurt me yes i'm sensitive . i need a bit freedom or taste the world oh please let me do what i want && please shut your mouth also stop membebel about fucking shit story about me to other ppl .

did you jelezing with me ? i know who i am , i know what i do , i scream in my heart for everyday seriously i want to scream as loud but it's so hard i tried but i can't . oh please bitch *opss sorry agak kasar* please understand me , i'm not breaking down now oke ?

yes , i can keep everything secret in my heart but only GOD knows what i feel now . but how long i should be like this ? no one can understand me even my family . but ...


what should i do to be a good person to everyone ?
why i did it idk , i think i felt obligated to and it was expected of me to do
it . ever since i said "I DO" i have hated myself everyday . hmmm

yes , i'm here with my own life

i'm dying also confused



chop ! chop !
i've one story / i was wrote
mybe 3 years ago

read read ;)


she tossed her head back as she bellowed out a laugh like a wild woman . this friend of mine was uninhibited and she meant the world to me . only she kept me feeling alive these days .

"dear , ;) you really need to learn how to let your hair down and to set yourself free " hazel purred as she flipped her long , fiery hair over her shoulder . "look at you! here you are , a free woman at last , yet inside you are still locked up "

hazel was the one friend i had who had been with me from the beginning . she was there when i cried from fear . she held my hand as i waited in the doctor's room to have my broken arm placed in a cast. she fed me and kept my spirits alive during the days when he disappeared and abandoned me with nothing to my name.

she was the only friend who stood by me , no matter what , and without preaching , told me that i did not have to live like i did , that there were other options , and she waited , without judgment , for me to make the decision that was bound to save my own life .

he hated hazel . it was all her fault that our marriage wasn't surviving . he hated the way that she was so independent and alive . it was a threat to all that he was trying to instill in me . how could i be the quiet , simple and obedient wife he desired and beat to create if hazel was there to show me i didn't have to be that way ? she was the only thing i ever defied him over and i think i got the courage for that from her love .

"aah ! shoot hazel," i grinned at her . "give me time, girlie! look at all i have managed to get done this week alone . you want a bloody miracle out of me ?"

"ooh balderdash on the give you time bull crap ! lets see .... what have you done ?" hazel started counting on her finely manicured fingers . ;P

"one, you packed everything you had and walked out the door . hallelujah ! At last !!!!! two, you actually went to the court house and filed paperwork to start divorce proceedings . three, you started counseling .... what makes you think i don't already see a miracle standing in front of me ?"

i looked at her standing there , a woman so vital that it made my heart ache to see her. i never had much in my life to be grateful for but by God , hazel was at the top of my list .

tht all ;)
thanks for the read
really appreciate it
till we meet again
miss you .



Anonymous said...

hey wut's up..
cheer up..s u said to me.. keep smiling... n be hepy..i know it's hard.. coz it did happened to me last few weeks.. but.. GOD will hear you..tell HIM...:D

and... s 4 ur story... it's nice darl!!! keep it up!!!!

[z@ck] said...

friends are forever..

ARYN said...

it's just a story rite..or ur real story??hehe

Strobery.itu.aku said...

rilek2.apo kono ea ni??

aainachentak said...

chill k hunn!
every single pwobs yg kita face akan ada kesudahan yg baik.percaya pada Dia!;)

btw,cool penmanship! english
u superb babe!!;D

.dyanza.maya. said...

::cHeNta_tiEha:: -
yup tht true
sumtymes to hard to
kept our prob even
our face look so cute
hee ;DD thanks yayang !

[z@ck] ;
yess! ;)

hee just story not be real ;)

Strobery.itu.aku ;
bengang sket ;P

aainachentak ;
oh chill ;)
i believe HIM yes!
oh thanks hunn ~

Anonymous said...

ha..camtu la darl!!!
gud 4u... gud 4 ur heart 2..

gades said...

amazing dear !!!! i suke story you oh smbungan dier buat la plssss ..btw jgn stress i here with you .

sukasukisuke said...

wow !!! OMG OMG
teruja sgt youuuu ur story !!

btw , iloveyou . super duper ur grammar gud job i know u can learnt it more!!!!

Anonymous said...

i LOVE you

:) :D


.dyanza.maya. said...

::cHeNta_tiEha:: -
hee thanks dear
mwahhh mwahh ;DD

gades ;
oh smbungan dye ?
hehe tgk dlu ye
idea kering la ;P

sukasukisuke ;
oh yes tht true !
i can do it . ilyt ;)

Anonymous ;
oh gewmok ke ne ?

LALALA ~~ confused !

lya said...

ehehe ,
saba la na !
anyway thanks babe
doakan lya dpt masuk uni dlm bdg yg lya minat
luv ya~~

.dyanza.maya. said...

Iya ;
oh wlcome hee ;DD
love you too !

♥ Cik Ca said...

cter betOl ke rekaan smata ni dear..

Ejump said...

actually this my first time jeam dgr..
"yup tht true
sumtymes to hard to
kept our prob even
our face look so cute"

hurmm..bout ur n3..
well's any1 hv their own carakter rite?..
ade yg jenis cam tu..
ade yg mcm tu pulak..
so kite xleh nkpuaskan ati stiap org rite?.
nway cik dyanz..
ape2 pun yg blaku..
just saba yer..

.dyanza.maya. said...

♥ Cik Ca ;
tk la just sje cerita
hehe bukan real ;)

Ejump ;
haha yke ? lahir dr ht
tuhh ckp ;)
yup saya akan sabar !

Ejump said...

yeah..sbb u mmg cute cik dyanz..

sbbtu la hubby u leh jatuh..

.dyanza.maya. said...

Ejump ;
sungguh ? mne bley !
kne tgk dr ht tabley
dr wajah hehe ~

Miss SwEeTFoResT said...

jgn sdih2 yer..hehehe..idop mesti eppy..hehehe ^_^

.dyanza.maya. said...

Miss SwEeTFoResT ;
yup btol tuhh hee
thanks ! ;)

lya said...

uh babe , best gile !

.dyanza.maya. said...

Iya ;
yess ;)

aainachentak said...

story mory yg besh!
superblaa ur english!!
suke suke ;p

.dyanza.maya. said...

aainachentak ;
hee thanks syang !
u lg terrer dr i !